Sarah Baughman

Open my eyes
Look over
2:03 am
Frown
You’re Gone
Get up
Open the door a crack
Eerie blue-black light spills from the bathroom
At the threshold
Crimson
Refuse to look at you
Watch as the Crimson puddle nearest me flows in all directions
My fear is reality
You’re gone
You told me you loved me
Was it not enough that you were loved?
Pause, as unmoving as my love for my friends
Just my eyes glide over your still body
You’re cold
Don’t have to touch you to know
Touch your body, not you
Not you any more, because your soul is gone
And you’re only as alive as your soul
Meant to glance, eyes stick
Can’t pull away
You’re white as cream
Peaceful
Except your face
Half-contorted with pain
Half sorry for leaving us
The last moment
You’re numb to pain
Let go
Your walls, down
The happiness we’d all tried so hard to give you
…Slowly back away from the door
Stop
Pause before taking the knife from the floor where you dropped it
The last thing you touched
Except maybe the counter when you reached for something to grasp as your body weakened,
no longer holding you up?
Feet padding softly back to the room
Pull off your pillowcase with the unbloodied hand
Wrap the knife in the pillowcase
Place it in my bag
Lick my hands clean
I taste your pain now
Lie down on your side of the pullout couch
Close my eyes
Upon awakening, tears still flow
A Crimson tear streaks down my face